Mercanary (limited space)

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Mercanary (limited space)

Post by Tyrial on Sat May 10, 2014 11:44 am

War, war is coming. That is what has been known for generations as those of magical blood watched the humans slowly spread across the world. As they defiled the precious and sacred places on the planet. Not all are angry at the humans, seeing it as them just spreading as is the nature of humans. Others want nothing more than to wipe every last human from the planet. And so the world’s population has been divided into four different factions. The mindless humans who can’t see magic, The humans and those who support the humans, those who wish to kill off the humans entirely, and lastly the mercenaries who pledge support to the highest bidder.
In the effort to prevent full scale war that might destroy entire species, the two main factions of human supporters, and the anti-humans have both agreed to not start large scale conflict. Instead they agreed to the use of mercenaries only. To see one is to know that killing is likely to begin, as unless given a contract this group doesn’t do anything but sit and wait. It is unknown just who the merc group is trying to serve, themselves or perhaps one side of the war. Most assume it to be a purpose of nothing but profiteering and warmongering in this war. Others assume the worst that they have sided with one faction and will do anything to slaughter the masses.
In either case, war is coming. Bloodshed can only be prevented for so long before one person snaps and attacks. Bringing retaliation after retaliation, until only one group stands victorious.

Factions:
Humans – Your every day, run of the mill, boring people. They are no different than that random stranger on the street you see. In short, they are non-magical, plentiful, and the cause of so much strife. ((Unplayable. Wouldn’t do any good to have characters unable to see magical creatures in the rp. If you make a convincing case however I may let you make one of these. And to clarify, when they look at a magical being. Either they see a normal person, or they simply see nothing at all.))
Guardians – The humans and non-humans of the guardians are the ones who work on the protection of the humans and races they join together. They are the second largest group, though not the strongest by any means. The have pulled together lots of races, but only by offering protection to the smaller races. Even though threatened by war, the guardians try to look out for the safety and peace of all races. This includes those that want to kill them. ((Playable yes, but eventually you will be pulled away from this group and into the mercenary group. This rp is centered around the mercenary group after all.))
The Tribes – Everyone else, they resent the humans for overtaking the lands they once held. Or at the larger Guardian races for controlling them. This group is by no means evil, they are just driven to try and right the wrongs done to them. With blood if it must happen. This group includes many of the strongest races, as with strength comes the fear of others. And so this group fights for freedom as well as revenge. ((See my ooc for guardians. The same applies. But your welcome to argue and be generally nasty to people who come from the Guardians!))
Wayfarers – The mercenary group. It started as individuals from many walks of life, human, magical, demonic, and many more. But with the growing conflict the individuals, reluctant to just join in on the war or having no interest in any of it at all pledged together and started the Wayfarers. They quickly began to climb the ranks among other mercenary groups till in the end they were all that was left. They either killed, absorbed, or bought out everyone else. So now this group boasts a fighting force of nearly a thousand people. They take all comers, so long as you show a willingness to kill if it is required of you. Wayfarer requires all of its members follow out the orders given to them, even if it costs the life of the individual to complete. Failure to follow through, or if the objective is failed brings you a strike. Three strikes and you become a target and will be hunted down. ((This is what I assume will be the majority of the people. Though you are welcome to go for the other options should you so choose.))

Signs:
Humans – Have no mark distinguishing the population. Unless you count blank looks, and obliviousness.
Guardians – Have a mark of a tower on something the person owns.
Tribes – Will have a mark of a flame on something they own.
Wayfarers- Will have a bird in flight with crossed swords behind it.

((The sign is how you identify with your faction. Not wearing a mark and you WILL be sent to jail, prison, or just killed on the spot. There is no exception to this rule. For all I care, you can have the mark tattooed on your characters body. But it must be visible on your character. If your character is in Wayfarers, you might have once had the mark of a different faction. You will have had the mark removed soon after joining. To join Wayfarers is to give up ties to your faction.
So to clarify once again, you must have a mark. Tattoo, stitched into clothing, on a bandana, ect. Failure to have this someplace in your bio shows me that you haven’t read any of this and will make me hate you just a little bit :D Plus will get your bio denied.))

Rules, the wonderful rules:

1. Don’t be an idiot. I do not believe in stupid questions, and you are welcome to ask me anything. However if you are going to go out of your way to annoy me or another roleplayer in this rp. I will kick you from it.
2. I fully support the rules existing for the forum. However, those I trust with my characters have permission to godmode things involving my character. If you so wish to do this with your character and others I support this choice. Example: I will let Steph and Jay god mode my characters up to and including, romance, fighting, general chaos, loss of consciousness, ect. I trust them not to have my character act out of personality. I gave them that control long ago because I feel that sometimes it is easier to do a post such as a fight if you get a little bit of control to do a reaction from anothers character.
3. This rp may have your character killed off. It is a war filled one. Be prepared to do that should the need arise.
4. My rp’s follow a posting style called ‘the round’. Meaning there is no quick posts between people. It will be in order of whomever posts first. Once everyone has done one post that is the order. You WILL wait for the person ahead of you to post, even if two people have characters away from everyone else. I do this to prevent time skips and breaking up the timeline. Timeskips will include every single person skipping.
5. If you are currently in training with Steph, and I will be asking her if you are. Then your bio’s will have to undergo her dissection. Practice makes perfect.
6. I am not a good speller, I am not skilled in grammar. I will make mistakes, you will see my mistakes. You may be like me, or you could be utterly perfect in spelling and grammar. I do not care one way or the other. If I can read a post, I am fine with it. Try to follow correct grammar and spelling. But I understand better than most about mistakes.
7. This rule is going to be redundant, but it will exist always in my roleplays because sometimes people forget or become lazy. I want posts at a minimum of one paragraph. Five sentences to that paragraph.
8. I am okay with and fine with curse words, drugs and alcohol use, self-harm, and intimate adult themes. I have done roleplays with these things. I have done some of these things in life. But I will limit these things in my rp’s. Cuss away if you wish. Your character can be a drunk. Drugs must be unnamed, or a fictional one. Self-harm must be limited, and if you have every post about this I will kick you from the roleplay. Sex will be time skipped. Period. I am still going to allow it to happen, because sometimes it will happen. This rp involves war, if your character is going to do something that they might die on. They might want to spend the last few moments before them with someone they love. But I repeat. You will timeskip. For the most part, so long as you keep everything PG-13, 12A is the equivalent for you British folks, I am satisfied.
9. Merc’s require the most detailed bio. They know everything about you before they hire you.
10. I don't like huge rp's. Spacing is limited on this. I have sent messages to the two I have guaranteed spots for. Once one character is accepted you can make as many as you want. But you have to be able to rp them all.
11. Ask before joining.

Bio(remove parenthesis):
Name:
Age:
Gender:
Faction:
Race (include what sets your race apart from a human, long life, ability over an element, demonic ancestors, so on. But keep it simple, go into detail in the other places it might pertain to. Looks go to looks, powers go to powers.):
Powers (magic do-dahs.):
Looks (picture and or description. I like words, so add words if you use a picture.):
Personality:
History (I don’t need everything, but enough so that we know your characters background. Merc’s need more detailed history than others.):
Skills( if used, and this does not include magical powers. If your person can cook a mean omlette, put it here. If they have the inability to walk across a flat surface without falling onto their face. Put it here. Bad skills are still skills.):
Weapons (If used.):
Other (Anything else you would like us to know about your person?):

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Re: Mercanary (limited space)

Post by TheDarknessofLoyalty on Sun May 11, 2014 9:02 pm

Name: Carrisia, daughter of Fonarri
Age: 155
Gender: Female
Faction: Wayfarers, formerly from the tribes
Race: Centaur. A race of long lived demi-humans who posess the upper body of a human and the body of a horse. Normally both fast and physically powerful they are, normally, both passionate and vain. While some have dabbled in magic, their hedonistic outlook makes it hard for most of them, preferring archery.
Powers: Nighteye: (Passive) Like her kin, Carrisia is able to see in almost pitch blackness. While this 'dark vision' is only monochomatic she can see at least 60ft through darkness with it.
Looks: At a total of 6ft 9in tall and weighing close to 2100lbs, Carisia is a farcry from the physical fragility of the humans. Her musculature is clearly defined, yet not overly visible either, her skin blemish free (despite the wounds she's taken in the past) and her equine part similarly muscular. She sports a full, waist-length 'mane' of blond wavey hair, which frames her thin hardened features and sapphire-like eyes, while her equine hide is a deep tanned brown. The middle of her left flank bears the sigil of the wayfarers.

While able to relax she tends to wear only a simple velvet vest, leaving her equine half unclothed. However for battle she dons (with help) modified ringmail armour* with Platemail barding** for her equine half, allowing her freedom of movement with it's lighter weight than full platemail. The barding also serves a secondary purpose, that being to hold her two melee weapons. She has a quiver of arrows slung to her back, with the longbow for them able to be attached to the side of it via a pair of hooks. The Quiver also sports a small pouch of spare bowstrings and has clear signs that it used to have a flame mark on it, although a lot of work is visible to have purged it.
Personality: Carrisia is a lot like her kind, haughty and vain to the point of outright refusing to let people touch her flank in most cases. She is also extremely prideful in her skills. While she's at least humble enough to know she's not the best, she does profess she's yet to meet her equal or better in battle. Merciless when threatened she has a softer side few get to see, as she can get rather protective of those she sees as having exceptional power in their own right. She seems, always, to be looking for a way to bite back the Guardians.

She's also a bit too carefree for her own good, having a clear dislike of any form of ordered society, and as such has felt no need to conider easier dialects to speak in, preferring the archaeic one she grew up with, and some of those on her good side have plied her with various wines to get there. She can be a bit hedonistic, but, compared to the extremes of her kind, her lusts are very well controlled, save for bloodlust.
History: Carrisia, even as a foal, was in an extended nomadic family, with her mother, Fonarri, being both a teacher and (to her young mind) a costant rival. As time flowed and she aged, she had began to fit in quite well, even surpassing her mother at various times. However this was quickly quashed as most of her family left the rest of the herd to fight against a group of mercs hired by the Guardians.

Although teenage, the sight of the fallen when she happened across what was once a battlefield mentally scarred and enraged her. Her tribe effectively wiped out (although her kind were not) she lived a lonely version of what she was brought up in, training herself more in the arts of war than anything else. She joined the Wayfarers initially for revenge, and soon found that the work was far more interesting, and chaotic, than her old life.
Skills: From training given by both her herd and the time of self-teaching she is able to wield her weapons with ease and anticipate which one would be better suited to the foes she has already come across. She has also learned a great deal of spacial awareness, mostly so her foes wouldn't be able to strike at her blind spots as easily. She proves to be an extremely fast sprinter as well, being able to keep pace with many warhorses with ease. This comes at a price, however, as outside of battle she is rather clumsy and she cannot swim at all, and should she not be able to leap up high enough a tall enough obstacle (About 5ft 8in max) completely thwarts her. She is a skilled hunter, but far from being an expert.
Weapons: A simple steel Fullblade (A Fullblade is 18in longer than a typical greatsword and many beings of siilar size to humans are unable to wield it one-handed, larger beings have an easier time of it. Sometimes nicknamed an "Ogre's Greatsword") and a Heavy iron lance in melee (not at the same time due to the weights and sizes. The latter is used for chargng while the former is for CQC). At ranged she makes use of her longbow instead.
Other: She is almost obsessive about making sure she looks her best, taking offence to anyone who manages to even blemish her hide or armour. She will always complain if she had to take on a job for the Guardians.

*Ringmail armour is composed of tough leather, heavily reinforced with hundreds of small metal rings, akin to chainmail.
**Essentially armour for a horse

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Re: Mercanary (limited space)

Post by Jay Skyla on Thu May 15, 2014 12:40 pm

Name: Jay Skyla


Age: 23 human years. Toraoni age quickly for the first 16 to 18 years of their lives. They learn quickly, grow quickly, and mature quickly. Some children advance faster than others, so this tmie period varies in length. Once they turn 18 or so, they begin to age normally, as any human would, before capping at their prime of 26.


Gender: Female


Faction: Born Guardian, Former Tribe, Current Wayfarer


Race: Toraoni - This race is a branch of the ancient warriors, bound each to a fearsome predator. The men swore to defend their partners, and the species of that partner, in exchange for the power and skills of the animal. When more advanced warfare began, the warriors used elemental magic to bind themselves - body and soul - to their animal companions. They could call upon their partners to change form, and wield the elements used to bind them. Now, more human than animal, these people settled into clans with their own kind, forming unique sub-species that evolved with time, as any other. Gone are the traditional values of protection and loyalty to their animal anscestors, but the power and elements remain. The Toraoni are a branch of these people. Their ancestors were bound with flame to the tiger, and so it stays.


Powers: Control over the element of fire and a handful of sub-elements, as well as the trademark tiger transformation of her species. Her sub-elements include: heat, energy, light, and blood magic. Sub-elements, by nature, are weak and very specific with their uses and spells. Flame magic and its uses are straightforward, and it is Jay's most powerful and honed magic. This is the element passed down in her clan. All fire elementals have unique sub-element skills, and they cannot be taught.

Energy and blood magic spells are closely related and mages with one skill tend to have an affinity for the other. In Jay's case, she uses blood magic to siphon energy from targets. Because it is blood magic, she is restricted from taking, say, a plant's energy. Her blood spells are a form of white magic, so she is also unable to take from unwilling victims.

Her heat affinity allows her to see thermal signatures when she slips into a deep concentration. She also uses this power to quickly raise and reduce the temperature of things around her. The amount of energy she has to use on changing temperature depends on the object and how close it's relation to the element of fire. The closer it is, the less taxing it is on her. She uses this to keep herself at a comfortable temperature.

Lastly, her power with light allows her to bend it to her will. She can use this skill to bend light around herself. The magic tricks the eye into skimming over her, but she does leave shimmers that can be spotted by astute guards. It takes too much concentration to be used for more than a few minutes, and she hasn't been able to shield anything but herself.


Looks: Jay is a rather short female, roughly 5 feet 3 inches, not including her ears. However, she makes up for her size with the sheer power and speed of her small frame. She has slim shoulders and overall physique, and uses this to squeeze herself in small places, much like a feline would. Her hips are wider than her shoulders, and her legs are more muscular than shapely. Her black hair falls just over the middle of her shoulder blades, but she almost always puts it up into a neat-yet-messy ponytail/bun type style. When its down, its shaggy and layered, with the ends curling outward just slightly. With bangs that swoop down across her forehead, narrowly staying out of her eyes, she is often touching it, moving it, and flipping it out of the way. She has sharp, fang-like canine teeth that go over her lower lip, just barely. Her almond eyes are black, with small flecks of red in them that float in her eyes like gold flakes in water, nearly invisible unless the light hits her the right way, or you're close enough. Those eyes are set into a round-ish face, with full lips and otherwise plain features. Her tiger tail that swishes about near her ankles is black with crimson red stripes, matching her ears that poke out of her hair. On her lower back, just above the base of her tail, there is a scar spanning three inches. It was the tattoo of her Guardian people, but she burnt it off into a flame-shaped scar when her people fell. In order to join the Wayfarers, she allowed their leaders to cut into her flesh and disfigure the scar into a marred, ugly thing.

When she transforms into a tiger, she is slightly larger than the average tiger, and is predominately black. Her stripes are a crimson red, and her eyes change to standard tiger eyes, slitted and greenish-yellow. Clothing-wise, Jay has a slight flair for the dramatic. She refuses corsets or armor, for they slow her down. Not to mention how absurd she looks in them... Regardless, she wears an off-black tank top made of a soft, stretching cloth and baggy pants that stop above her ankles. Beneath those, she wears skin-tight leggings of a tough material, and a midnight-black cloak over the entire ensamble. The clasp is in the shape of the Wayfarer symbol, a glinting silver metal that reminds all who she is alligned with. Her boots are a soft, worn, black leather with flat soles and high rising tops. A rather simple silver ring loops around her right middle finger.


Personality: As she grew up, Jay realized two things: If you want something done right, do it yourself, and people are untrustworthy as a general rule. She was forced to mature as a young child when her mother died, having to help her father raise Wren. The people around her never called her by her name, only Miss. They didn't look her in the eyes, and were never sincere with their words. Jay's isolation from society formed her into a hard shell of a person. Every layer of her mask represents a person that hurt her, or tried to. Strangers warrant a rude, disrespectful side of Jay. She uses sarcasm, sass, and snark as her self defense, but inside the shell is a lonely young woman.

When she deems someone trustworthy, she changes her entire being. Well, not entirely. She's very loyal and protective of those select few she cares about. Her sarcastic demaneor is too ingrained to change that much, but her teasing is lighter and more friendly. Wren makes her the most comfortable, and Jay is very protective and kind with her sister. She is surprisingly compassionate when prompted.

She is at her happiest in the midst of battle, where she is simply a warrior with a target. It is where she excells. When she's sparring, she's always grinning. In a fray, however, a deadly calm envelops her, turning her into a well-oilled machine. It is not until afterwards that the adrenaline catches her. Jay is a merciless warrior, and her bloodlust is what fuels her to keep moving on. She takes pleasure not from harming, but from being in control. When she is fighting, she is the only one in control of her fate, and the fate of others. She was raised to kill, so kill she does.


History: Jay was born to the clan leader of the Toraoni, a well respected Guardian species. Her father raised her and her sister, Wren, when their mother died shortly after Wren was born. From a young age, they were brought up learning the ways of their people, their faction, and how to be warriors. As the eldest child, Jay received more lessons than her sister, since she was next in line. Her time was consumed completely between lessons and assisting in Wren's upbringing. She never had many friends because of how busy she was, and no one treated her like a normal child. Her cold, unfriendly demeanor towards strangers developed in these early years.

When Wren transformed for the first time, Jay took their mother's place at the ceremony to celebrate her official joining of the ranks. It was a sort of coming to age ceremony, except it sometimes took years to occur, if it ever did. Wren was young when she transformed, younger than the usual, yet she was still expected to complete the tasks given to her. Worried for his daughter, their father sent Jay to watch over her. It was an incredible breakage of tradition that only Jay could know about. Early that morning, Wren was sent off with blessed words, and Jay stalked her through the dense foliage.

The trek took many hours, and Wren returned to the village well into the night. At first, nothing was amiss. Jay emerged from her hiding place at the edge of the woods. When the sisters embraced, they realized the dead quiet. Shouldn't the rest of the clan be coming by now?

To this day, the magical world is baffled by the powerful clan's sudden downfall. While the sisters were away, a group of humans passed through on their way to a neighboring kingdom. They stopped at the small village long enough to rape and pillage, then moved on. Not a soul was found alive. Jay searched for her father among the dead, cringing at the faces of those that raised her. She allowed Wren to walk beside her through the paths, no longer familiar with their bloodstained cobble. There was nothing Jay could do to shield her from the carnage before them, so she did not try. Not to her surprise, Jay found their father where the most bodies were. She assumed the human soldiers came from that side of the village, since that is where their honorable leader would place himself. She had smiled grimly to herself at that point. She was finally the clan leader, and all she had to rule was her little sister. Carefully, she took her father's weapon in one hand, took her sister's hand in the other, and set off into the woods.

It took the girls a few weeks to travel to the base of the Tribes, and it took Jay but a few moments to secure their places among them. She was the equivalent of sixteen human years old that year. It took her until the age of twenty to be accepted into the Wayfarers, and she's been quietly providing for her sister ever since.


Skills: Jay has always had a certain natural way with weapons. Her martial training took no time at all, and her time with the weapons master was even shorter. However, no instructor could coax her near water. Instead, they all had tough times getting her out of the treetops, or down from the rockface she was scaling. She was great with heights and climbing, but she outright refused to go near water. When forced, she broke down into a hysteric fit. There is no terror worse than bodies of water for her. Also, though her years of quick learning are over, she is still very good at picking up new tricks. Likewise, she is quick to survey and understand her surroundings. Because of this, it is hard to take her by surprise. Her weakness, though, is close quarters combat. She is physically small, and her muscles just aren't as strong as most opponents'. When in a melee, she has to rely on tricks and dexterity, not her strength.

None of her prowess with beating people up transferred to dealing with people, sadly. For all of Jay's attention to detail, she cannot for the life of her understand a person. Unless they are clones of her, she will be clueless about them. Females, especially, puzzle her. She is also very weak to tears. No training of hers prepared her for tears, or how to stop them. She is a social nightmare, in short.


Weapons: She spent all of her time training with her father's weapon after his death. He called it a yumiken, or a bladed bow. She was fascinated by it's fluid grace, strong slice, and utter power. It reminded her of her father in more ways that she liked. It was made of a black metal that glinted in the sun, almost the color of her father's eyes. Regardless, she trained with it any chance she got. Aside from the yumiken, she carries shurikens and throwing knives in a slot on the bottom of her quiver, two large hunting daggers at her waist, and a small knife hidden in her cleavage when she cannot be seen as a threat. Don't underestimate her, however. She was trained from such a young age that her body itself is a weapon.


Other: She has a huge appetite, and can't recall a food she won't eat. Except for pastries, for some mysterious reason.

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Re: Mercanary (limited space)

Post by Princess Holly on Fri May 16, 2014 1:58 am

Jay Skyla wrote:Name: Jay Skyla


Age: 23 human years. Toraoni age quickly for the first 16 to 18 years of their lives. They learn quickly, grow quickly, and mature quickly. Some children advance faster than others, so this time period varies in length. Once they turn 18 or so, they begin to age normally, as any human would, before capping at their prime of 26.

So, they age quickly and it varies how quickly? Does this have more to do with mental aging being reflected in physical aging, or is it just random? Why do they age quickly? Just genetic or is it that life is hard for them so they mature faster? The war could be a reason why life is hard. It's also strange they would begin to age normally from 18-26. What's so special about this time frame? Also all of this background knowledge is nice, but how does it apply to Jay? Was she a child who matured exceptionally quickly or slower than her peers?


Gender: Female


Faction: Born Guardian, Former Tribe, Current Wayfarer

I'm hoping this makes more sense in your history


Race: Toraoni - This race is a branch of the ancient warriors, bound each to a fearsome predator. The men swore to defend their partners, and the species of that partner, in exchange for the power and skills of the animal. When more advanced warfare began, the warriors used elemental magic to bind themselves - body and soul - to their animal companions. They could call upon their partners to change form, and wield the elements used to bind them. Now, more human than animal, these people settled into clans with their own kind, forming unique sub-species that evolved with time, as any other. Gone are the traditional values of protection and loyalty to their animal ancestors, but the power and elements remain. The Toraoni are a branch of these people. Their ancestors were bound with flame to the tiger, and so it stays.

Were they like human looking and then became animal like when a pact was made? How were pacts made? Could this be made with any animal? Like, hey dog on side of road, you be partner now. Or is it more like they are friends with a connection who mutually decide to do this. Does that mean they had the ability to communicate with animals? You said they became more animal than human, so was it just that they could talk to animals and see magic so they weren't exactly human and then they totally jumped off the bus and went full magical being? The traditional values are gone? How can that be??? I thought they made some sort of pact with an animal. Are they just flat out born with an animal, kind of like the Golden Compass? Then grow up with them and a bond is created? If they aren't in a mutual relationship that benefits both sides with protection then I guess the animals are slaves. This needs to be longer with more clarification. I doubt most of us are experts or have even heard of this race. Besides, how did they live? Is it a tribal society dominated by men, women, both? Do the animals have a say? When do children get their powers? Apparently they grow quickly and that varies so I guess it could be up in the air. Are the children trained from a young age for war or is it just normal? People can have normal jobs and be apprentices or whatever.... Is there school? A training academy? How does any of this work?

Powers: Control over the element of fire and a handful of sub-elements, as well as the trademark tiger transformation of her species. Her sub-elements include: heat, energy, light, and blood magic. Sub-elements, by nature, are weak and very specific with their uses and spells. Flame magic and its uses are straightforward, and it is Jay's most powerful and honed magic. This is the element passed down in her clan. All fire elementals have unique sub-element skills, and they cannot be taught.

Sorry but I already feel like we're on the OP Train heading towards LoTFC (Land of Too Freaking Confusing). Geeze you want fire, heat, energy, light, and blood magic? Let's not forget the tiger she can summon, transform into, and the fact that she has the abilities of said animal. Which means speed, strength, better sight, hearing, and smell on a daily basis. I'm waiting for her to be a super genius and a gunslinger who happens to carry a sword at this rate. Alright, onto first power because your description on how she uses fire can't be considered a legit description. I won't accept it.

Energy and blood magic spells are closely related and mages with one skill tend to have an affinity for the other. In Jay's case, she uses blood magic to siphon energy from targets. Because it is blood magic, she is restricted from taking, say, a plant's energy. Her blood spells are a form of white magic, so she is also unable to take from unwilling victims.

Um... okay? Neat! That's... yeah, something. Well, I'm going to feel awful but this wasn't very good. Sorry. Don't mean to be a jerk but this just is not enough. First off describe Energy magic because that one I can actually see as a sub-element of fire, but blood? No freaking way. I'm skimming and it doesn't seem like you even bothered with energy. That's a shame. Well blood magic makes me think of dark arts, sacrifices, and even ATLA blood bending. I've read books and other things and blood magic is generally evil. From the description I feel like this isn't blood magic at all. This is the energy power. It's energy manipulation dependent on consent. Plants can't give consent but people and animals can. Blood really doesn't have anything to do with this.
Now, the power itself is kind of vague. She can take people's energy, big whoop. How much can she take? Does this transfer and become her own? How does the person feel after she does this? Does she have to have physical contact to do this? Are there any consequences for her when she does this? It could be that she burns through the taken energy quickly or that she basically crashes afterwards.


Her heat affinity allows her to see thermal signatures when she slips into a deep concentration. She also uses this power to quickly raise and reduce the temperature of things around her. The amount of energy she has to use on changing temperature depends on the object and how close it's relation to the element of fire. The closer it is, the less taxing it is on her. She uses this to keep herself at a comfortable temperature.

Wait WhAt?!?!?! O_o What did I just read? Having nice sight isn't enough, she can see thermal signatures too??? I like how she has to slip into a deep concentration though. That's a good limiter because it means that if her concentration is broken she can't see and she can't do anything, even talking, or it's broken. That's what "deep" means.
I don't understand the temperature stuff at all. You say objects can change temperature and it's best if they're like fire. This somehow changes the weather because apparently it keeps her at a comfortable temperature, or she just increases her internal temperature. Gosh I'm so confused. I just feel that you don't need whatever this power is or maybe I'm being lazy. I don't want to take the time and energy to figure this out. How can objects be related to fire anyway? Is this referring to flammability? Only thing I can say is that she either can magically increase the temperature of a room by being a heater or she can give people fevers. Those are the only two that make a bit of sense to me. If you want it to be different then you're going to need a real good description with all of the strengths, weaknesses, and repercussions of this power. For example giving people fevers decreases her own temperature.


Lastly, her power with light allows her to bend it to her will. She can use this skill to bend light around herself. The magic tricks the eye into skimming over her, but she does leave shimmers that can be spotted by astute guards. It takes too much concentration to be used for more than a few minutes, and she hasn't been able to shield anything but herself.

She refracts light? But that would just make the image of her appear in another place such as how water refracts light and makes objects look nearer or farther depending on the angle at which you're standing To really be invisible she would have to reflect and absorb the wavelengths of light that would be hitting the stuff (and being reflected and absorbed in specific ways) behind her. This would make her invisible but if she moves then there's a different amount of absorption and reflection going on behind her and she would have to adjust quickly kind of like scrolling a lagging computer screen. This would take a lot of concentration and wouldn't last long like you said.
I'm not too sure you really need all of these powers, but if you want then I guess you can. I'm just advising here. The main thing you need to do is describe her power relating to fire and the animal. Those descriptions were so brief and there's bound to be more to them. Fire in itself could be a paragraph.
Does the fire burn her? How much can she control? Does she create it? How does she create it? From her hands, mouth, eyes? What happens in a windy climate? Can she create a flamethrower from her hands, fire balls, flames? Does she look at something and it bursts into flame? Can she telekinetically control a campfire, making it lift from the wood, and strike some one? How does this work?
Please just tell me how this animal thing works?????? I'm getting curious because it's not explained it's like her secret power that is so obvious it has to be secret or something. Like Batman's batrangs or something.
Also need weaknesses, lots of weaknesses (well just negative effects) to balance out the large number of powers. It could be simple like she's a terrible shot so she can't shoot fire well. I just feel you need something before she's too OP. I'm kind of done with the powers now. This is getting long.


Looks: Jay is a rather short female, roughly 5 feet 3 inches, not including her ears. However, she makes up for her size with the sheer power and speed of her small frame. She has slim shoulders and overall physique, and uses this to squeeze herself in small places, much like a feline would. Her hips are wider than her shoulders, and her legs are more muscular than shapely. Her black hair falls just over the middle of her shoulder blades, but she almost always puts it up into a neat-yet-messy ponytail/bun type style. When its down, its shaggy and layered, with the ends curling outward just slightly. With bangs that swoop down across her forehead, narrowly staying out of her eyes, she is often touching it, moving it, and flipping it out of the way. She has sharp, fang-like canine teeth that go over her lower lip, just barely. Her almond eyes are black, with small flecks of red in them that float in her eyes like gold flakes in water, nearly invisible unless the light hits her the right way, or you're close enough. Those eyes are set into a round-ish face, with full lips and otherwise plain features. Her tiger tail that swishes about near her ankles is black with crimson red stripes, matching her ears that poke out of her hair. On her lower back, just above the base of her tail, there is a scar spanning three inches. It was the tattoo of her Guardian people, but she burnt it off into a flame-shaped scar when her people fell. In order to join the Wayfarers, she allowed their leaders to cut into her flesh and disfigure the scar into a marred, ugly thing.

So far good! I like your description just a quick question, or two. So she had a scar and the leaders of the Wayfarers randomly decided to make it worse? What freaking jerks. Also, does this mean she doesn't have ears on the side of her head? I always like clarifying that because it always seems strange to imagine that she can't put her hair behind her ear and that there are no ears sticking out on the sides when her hair is up.

When she transforms into a tiger, she is slightly larger than the average tiger, and is predominately black. Her stripes are a crimson red, and her eyes change to standard tiger eyes, slitted and greenish-yellow. Clothing-wise, Jay has a slight flair for the dramatic. She refuses corsets or armor, for they slow her down. Not to mention how absurd she looks in them... Regardless, she wears an off-black tank top made of a soft, stretching cloth and baggy pants that stop above her ankles. Beneath those, she wears skin-tight leggings of a tough material, and a midnight-black cloak over the entire ensemble. The clasp is in the shape of the Wayfarer symbol, a glinting silver metal that reminds all who she is aligned with. Her boots are a soft, worn, black leather with flat soles and high rising tops. A rather simple silver ring loops around her right middle finger.

Nice again, no comment except complement.

Personality: As she grew up, Jay realized two things: If you want something done right, do it yourself, and people are untrustworthy as a general rule. She was forced to mature as a young child when her mother died, having to help her father raise Wren. The people around her never called her by her name, only Miss. They didn't look her in the eyes, and were never sincere with their words. Jay's isolation from society formed her into a hard shell of a person. Every layer of her mask represents a person that hurt her, or tried to. Strangers warrant a rude, disrespectful side of Jay. She uses sarcasm, sass, and snark as her self defense, but inside the shell is a lonely young woman.

*thinks Jay sounds like Sherlock* Well, not much wrong again. Just what are her feelings towards her father? Did she really have no friends? Is she unwilling to have friends? I get that she doesn't trust people for some reason but what's her attitude towards them? Does she feel that they're selfish, self-centered, out for personal gain, two face, what?

When she deems someone trustworthy, she changes her entire being. Well, not entirely. She's very loyal and protective of those select few she cares about. Her sarcastic demaneor is too ingrained to change that much, but her teasing is lighter and more friendly. Wren makes her the most comfortable, and Jay is very protective and kind with her sister. She is surprisingly compassionate when prompted.

How does she deem someone trustworthy? What does compassionate when prompted mean? Do people tell her to be or do certain events do so?

She is at her happiest in the midst of battle, where she is simply a warrior with a target. It is where she excells. When she's sparring, she's always grinning. In a fray, however, a deadly calm envelops her, turning her into a well-oilled machine. It is not until afterwards that the adrenaline catches her. Jay is a merciless warrior, and her bloodlust is what fuels her to keep moving on. She takes pleasure not from harming, but from being in control. When she is fighting, she is the only one in control of her fate, and the fate of others. She was raised to kill, so kill she does.

So she's a single-minded control freak? Kidding. Also what do you mean the adrenaline catches her afterwards? Does she get tired? Does Jay feel remorse for her kills or just a sense of accomplishment?

History: Jay was born to the clan leader of the Toraoni, a well respected Guardian species. Her father raised her and her sister, Wren, when their mother died shortly after Wren was born. From a young age, they were brought up learning the ways of their people, their faction, and how to be warriors. As the eldest child, Jay received more lessons than her sister, since she was next in line. Her time was consumed completely between lessons and assisting in Wren's upbringing. She never had many friends because of how busy she was, and no one treated her like a normal child. Her cold, unfriendly demeanor towards strangers developed in these early years.

Why did no one treat her normally? Did they treat her bad, were afraid of her, coddled her too much? Also why would they treat her this way and how did her mother's death effect Jay personally? That must have hurt her. What were her lessons over?

When Wren transformed for the first time, Jay took their mother's place at the ceremony to celebrate her official joining of the ranks. It was a sort of coming to age ceremony, except it sometimes took years to occur, if it ever did. Wren was young when she transformed, younger than the usual, yet she was still expected to complete the tasks given to her. Worried for his daughter, their father sent Jay to watch over her. It was an incredible breakage of tradition that only Jay could know about. Early that morning, Wren was sent off with blessed words, and Jay stalked her through the dense foliage.

What is normal, and what's the normal tradition? Also, what tasks?

The trek took many hours, and Wren returned to the village well into the night. At first, nothing was amiss. Jay emerged from her hiding place at the edge of the woods. When the sisters embraced, they realized the dead quiet. Shouldn't the rest of the clan be coming by now?

To this day, the magical world is baffled by the powerful clan's sudden downfall. While the sisters were away, a group of humans passed through on their way to a neighboring kingdom. They stopped at the small village long enough to rape and pillage, then moved on. Not a soul was found alive. Jay searched for her father among the dead, cringing at the faces of those that raised her. She allowed Wren to walk beside her through the paths, no longer familiar with their bloodstained cobble. There was nothing Jay could do to shield her from the carnage before them, so she did not try. Not to her surprise, Jay found their father where the most bodies were. She assumed the human soldiers came from that side of the village, since that is where their honorable leader would place himself. She had smiled grimly to herself at that point. She was finally the clan leader, and all she had to rule was her little sister. Carefully, she took her father's weapon in one hand, took her sister's hand in the other, and set off into the woods.

I wish we could know what really happened but I understand if it's meant to be secret. How'd she react to her father's death and her sister through all of this?

It took the girls a few weeks to travel to the base of the Tribes, and it took Jay but a few moments to secure their places among them. She was the equivalent of sixteen human years old that year. It took her until the age of twenty to be accepted into the Wayfarers, and she's been quietly providing for her sister ever since.

Too quick of a closing. How did the whole joining the Tribes work and joining the Wayfarers. Also, what happened during those 4 years and what later happened to Wren? Also what is she currently doing as a Wayfarer?

Skills: Jay has always had a certain natural way with weapons. Her martial training took no time at all, and her time with the weapons master was even shorter. However, no instructor could coax her near water. Instead, they all had tough times getting her out of the treetops, or down from the rockface she was scaling. She was great with heights and climbing, but she outright refused to go near water. When forced, she broke down into a hysteric fit. There is no terror worse than bodies of water for her. Also, though her years of quick learning are over, she is still very good at picking up new tricks. Likewise, she is quick to survey and understand her surroundings. Because of this, it is hard to take her by surprise. Her weakness, though, is close quarters combat. She is physically small, and her muscles just aren't as strong as most opponents'. When in a melee, she has to rely on tricks and dexterity, not her strength.

What's wrong with water? Can she not swim? Also how skilled is she with weapons? What weapons does she use?

None of her prowess with beating people up transferred to dealing with people, sadly. For all of Jay's attention to detail, she cannot for the life of her understand a person. Unless they are clones of her, she will be clueless about them. Females, especially, puzzle her. She is also very weak to tears. No training of hers prepared her for tears, or how to stop them. She is a social nightmare, in short.

She's a cold hearted sarcastic cry baby? Okay! Is she a bad conversationalist? Is she bad at empathizing? Does she relate better with men? Also, does she just not do well with people crying? Is that what you mean? How does she react to children?

Weapons: She spent all of her time training with her father's weapon after his death. He called it a yumiken, or a bladed bow. She was fascinated by it's fluid grace, strong slice, and utter power. It reminded her of her father in more ways that she liked. It was made of a black metal that glinted in the sun, almost the color of her father's eyes. Regardless, she trained with it any chance she got. Aside from the yumiken, she carries shurikens and throwing knives in a slot on the bottom of her quiver, two large hunting daggers at her waist, and a small knife hidden in her cleavage when she cannot be seen as a threat. Don't underestimate her, however. She was trained from such a young age that her body itself is a weapon.

So freaking powerful~ I guessed that she would be a Master of Weapons... or was it just guns? Oh well! I feel her power grows exponentially as I read this. It's nearly over 9,000 now. 9,000!!!! You need weaknesses that are equal to your strengths! She can't fight close combat but her body itself is a weapon? How does that work? What is her fighting style? Offensive, defensive, she hides in trees and shoots/throws stuff? How does all of this work with her magic too? I feel like I've read about two different characters. Somehow even though she aged rapidly she was able to become a weapons master, a martial arts master, and a master mage all while being a mother to her sister AND learning how to be a leader such as knowing diplomacy. I just feel like you need to give something up for this character to be better rounded. Her personality is good but we're nearing Sue Station in LoTFC and I really want you to jump off with me before we arrive.

Other: She has a huge appetite, and can't recall a food she won't eat. Except for pastries, for some mysterious reason.

That's nice. So, you're probably wondering who I am and the fact that you stuck it out this long is commendable. I'm Holly/Hone and the one who rp-ed with Zee in the early days. We were both students under some rp-ers but I was also a bit of her teacher as well. Used to dissect Bios and Intros ALL of the time. I grew sick of it and stopped teaching and rp-ing. Zee needed to reply but also wanted to dissect your Bio so I offered to help out. She was also curious about what one of my dissections would look like after all of this time. I hope I didn't offend you or hurt your feelings. If you want some more advice for specifics such as being stuck on part of the history or how to get something to be more cohesive? Just send me a message or ask me in chat if I'm online. Sorry if I seemed mean. I tried to be nicer than I was in the past. At least I didn't say it was puke that you sprinkled with fancy words as an attempt to pass it off as nice! (Did that once) I tried to fix spelling mistakes but I left grammar alone. I suppose this is bye :)

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Re: Mercanary (limited space)

Post by Warrior Queen Hawk on Tue May 27, 2014 7:04 am

Name: Jay Skyla
Age: 23 human years. Toraoni age quickly for the first 16 to 18 years of their lives. They learn quickly, grow quickly, and mature quickly. Some children advance faster than others, so this time period varies in length. Once they turn 18 or so, they begin to age normally, as any human would, before capping at their prime of 26.

So, they age quickly and it varies how quickly? Does this have more to do with mental aging being reflected in physical aging, or is it just random? Why do they age quickly? Just genetic or is it that life is hard for them so they mature faster? The war could be a reason why life is hard. It's also strange they would begin to age normally from 18-26. What's so special about this time frame? Also all of this background knowledge is nice, but how does it apply to Jay? Was she a child who matured exceptionally quickly or slower than her peers?
Honestly? My opinion on this is you could really get rid of "Toraoni" general background and I would replace it with what is going on with Jay. :) This is JAY's bio. Not her race. If you have generalities, remember there should be specific's for Jay in it too. You know what I'm sayin'? Make this Jay's and be selfish with it. I mean, you do have a "Race" section. (Mentioning it cause I just saw it) Put generalities there. 

Gender: Female
Faction: Born Guardian, Former Tribe, Current Wayfarer

I'm hoping this makes more sense in your history

Race: Toraoni - This race is a branch of the ancient warriors, bound each to a fearsome predator. The men swore to defend their partners, and the species of that partner, in exchange for the power and skills of the animal. When more advanced warfare began, the warriors used elemental magic to bind themselves - body and soul - to their animal companions. They could call upon their partners to change form, and wield the elements used to bind them. Now, more human than animal, these people settled into clans with their own kind, forming unique sub-species that evolved with time, as any other. Gone are the traditional values of protection and loyalty to their animal ancestors, but the power and elements remain. The Toraoni are a branch of these people. Their ancestors were bound with flame to the tiger, and so it stays.

Were they like human looking and then became animal like when a pact was made? How were pacts made? Could this be made with any animal? Like, hey dog on side of road, you be partner now. Or is it more like they are friends with a connection who mutually decide to do this. Does that mean they had the ability to communicate with animals? You said they became more animal than human, so was it just that they could talk to animals and see magic so they weren't exactly human and then they totally jumped off the bus and went full magical being? The traditional values are gone? How can that be??? I thought they made some sort of pact with an animal. Are they just flat out born with an animal, kind of like the Golden Compass? Then grow up with them and a bond is created? If they aren't in a mutual relationship that benefits both sides with protection then I guess the animals are slaves. This needs to be longer with more clarification. I doubt most of us are experts or have even heard of this race. Besides, how did they live? Is it a tribal society dominated by men, women, both? Do the animals have a say? When do children get their powers? Apparently they grow quickly and that varies so I guess it could be up in the air. Are the children trained from a young age for war or is it just normal? People can have normal jobs and be apprentices or whatever.... Is there school? A training academy? How does any of this work?
Very good points, Hone. That and, Jay, ._. I don't remember any of this being part of what Toraonis are... I remember them being similar to Kitsune in the fact that they are an animal but can change their appearance or they are half human and half tiger. If you changed it... :3 We have some new fun to have and you need to give me a PM of epic proportions. Hell, maybe I should make a thread where people CREATE RACES! That would fun... anyway! I would add more to this since it is your character and your race. Unless Ty-kun has a say in Toraonis makeup... okay?


Powers: Control over the element of fire and a handful of sub-elements, as well as the trademark tiger transformation of her species. Her sub-elements include: heat, energy, light, and blood magic. Sub-elements, by nature, are weak and very specific with their uses and spells. Flame magic and its uses are straightforward, and it is Jay's most powerful and honed magic. This is the element passed down in her clan. All fire elementals have unique sub-element skills, and they cannot be taught.

Sorry but I already feel like we're on the OP Train heading towards LoTFC (Land of Too Freaking Confusing). Geeze you want fire, heat, energy, light, and blood magic? Let's not forget the tiger she can summon, transform into, and the fact that she has the abilities of said animal. Which means speed, strength, better sight, hearing, and smell on a daily basis. I'm waiting for her to be a super genius and a gunslinger who happens to carry a sword at this rate. Alright, onto first power because your description on how she uses fire can't be considered a legit description. I won't accept it.
Woah, woah, woah. Okay, back up. O_O Jay and blood magic? On a normal character, that is rather powerful. Then you have Jay, right? This chick can go from the most rational character to an ungodly terrifying tiger girl who leaves chaos in her wake. Do we really want her to have this power? Do we? I think at least half of the world would be in ruins with her and that power... her and fire already can wipe out a nice village! :P Tone that down a bit with maybe some weakne- why isn't "Scared shitless of water" here?

Energy and blood magic spells are closely related and mages with one skill tend to have an affinity for the other. In Jay's case, she uses blood magic to siphon energy from targets. Because it is blood magic, she is restricted from taking, say, a plant's energy. Her blood spells are a form of white magic, so she is also unable to take from unwilling victims.

Um... okay? Neat! That's... yeah, something. Well, I'm going to feel awful but this wasn't very good. Sorry. Don't mean to be a jerk but this just is not enough. First off describe Energy magic because that one I can actually see as a sub-element of fire, but blood? No freaking way. I'm skimming and it doesn't seem like you even bothered with energy. That's a shame. Well blood magic makes me think of dark arts, sacrifices, and even ATLA blood bending. I've read books and other things and blood magic is generally evil. From the description I feel like this isn't blood magic at all. This is the energy power. It's energy manipulation dependent on consent. Plants can't give consent but people and animals can. Blood really doesn't have anything to do with this.
Now, the power itself is kind of vague. She can take people's energy, big whoop. How much can she take? Does this transfer and become her own? How does the person feel after she does this? Does she have to have physical contact to do this? Are there any consequences for her when she does this? It could be that she burns through the taken energy quickly or that she basically crashes afterwards.

Hm... My thoughts on this magic is real iffy. Energy works well with Fire. I like that. Blood magic is still bugging me. I also would love to know more about the energy magic :) And if she takes other's energy... I trust you with this; however, think of it this way. She is in a battle (happens often) and she wants it to end FAST. All she has to do is cripple the opponent and take their energy, ending the match. Bit too much, don't you think?


Her heat affinity allows her to see thermal signatures when she slips into a deep concentration. She also uses this power to quickly raise and reduce the temperature of things around her. The amount of energy she has to use on changing temperature depends on the object and how close it's relation to the element of fire. The closer it is, the less taxing it is on her. She uses this to keep herself at a comfortable temperature.

Wait WhAt?!?!?! O_o What did I just read? Having nice sight isn't enough, she can see thermal signatures too??? I like how she has to slip into a deep concentration though. That's a good limiter because it means that if her concentration is broken she can't see and she can't do anything, even talking, or it's broken. That's what "deep" means.
I don't understand the temperature stuff at all. You say objects can change temperature and it's best if they're like fire. This somehow changes the weather because apparently it keeps her at a comfortable temperature, or she just increases her internal temperature. Gosh I'm so confused. I just feel that you don't need whatever this power is or maybe I'm being lazy. I don't want to take the time and energy to figure this out. How can objects be related to fire anyway? Is this referring to flammability? Only thing I can say is that she either can magically increase the temperature of a room by being a heater or she can give people fevers. Those are the only two that make a bit of sense to me. If you want it to be different then you're going to need a real good description with all of the strengths, weaknesses, and repercussions of this power. For example giving people fevers decreases her own temperature.

The temperature stuff was really confusing... Though I think I am slowly understanding... but just because you love me and I am doing this after Hone did just for you, you should figure out what you meant XD I feel like you wrote this bio with a tired mind. It has great intentions, but the descriptions are messy and awkward. If you didn't do this bio while tired... You and I have to get you back into rp-ing with good people. You have been hanging around some confusing people, haven't you?

Lastly, her power with light allows her to bend it to her will. She can use this skill to bend light around herself. The magic tricks the eye into skimming over her, but she does leave shimmers that can be spotted by astute guards. It takes too much concentration to be used for more than a few minutes, and she hasn't been able to shield anything but herself.

She refracts light? But that would just make the image of her appear in another place such as how water refracts light and makes objects look nearer or farther depending on the angle at which you're standing To really be invisible she would have to reflect and absorb the wavelengths of light that would be hitting the stuff (and being reflected and absorbed in specific ways) behind her. This would make her invisible but if she moves then there's a different amount of absorption and reflection going on behind her and she would have to adjust quickly kind of like scrolling a lagging computer screen. This would take a lot of concentration and wouldn't last long like you said.
I'm not too sure you really need all of these powers, but if you want then I guess you can. I'm just advising here. The main thing you need to do is describe her power relating to fire and the animal. Those descriptions were so brief and there's bound to be more to them. Fire in itself could be a paragraph.
Does the fire burn her? How much can she control? Does she create it? How does she create it? From her hands, mouth, eyes? What happens in a windy climate? Can she create a flamethrower from her hands, fire balls, flames? Does she look at something and it bursts into flame? Can she telekinetically control a campfire, making it lift from the wood, and strike some one? How does this work?
Please just tell me how this animal thing works?????? I'm getting curious because it's not explained it's like her secret power that is so obvious it has to be secret or something. Like Batman's batrangs or something.
Also need weaknesses, lots of weaknesses (well just negative effects) to balance out the large number of powers. It could be simple like she's a terrible shot so she can't shoot fire well. I just feel you need something before she's too OP. I'm kind of done with the powers now. This is getting long.  
... I really like how Hone put this bit... Jay has always been a bit more powerful than your average bear :P but in this she really hits too many lines... She needs to tone down stuff... I would also go back to age and say how old she is... if she is only in her twenties in human years, does she really have all this spare time to know how to use all of these powers along with her mastery of archery? I don't know... Ty-kun is really in charge of Jay's make-up as well as you. I can only say what it going on in my mind.

Looks: Jay is a rather short female, roughly 5 feet 3 inches, not including her ears. However, she makes up for her size with the sheer power and speed of her small frame. She has slim shoulders and overall physique, and uses this to squeeze herself in small places, much like a feline would. Her hips are wider than her shoulders, and her legs are more muscular than shapely. Her black hair falls just over the middle of her shoulder blades, but she almost always puts it up into a neat-yet-messy ponytail/bun type style. When its down, its shaggy and layered, with the ends curling outward just slightly. With bangs that swoop down across her forehead, narrowly staying out of her eyes, she is often touching it, moving it, and flipping it out of the way. She has sharp, fang-like canine teeth that go over her lower lip, just barely. Her almond eyes are black, with small flecks of red in them that float in her eyes like gold flakes in water, nearly invisible unless the light hits her the right way, or you're close enough. Those eyes are set into a round-ish face, with full lips and otherwise plain features. Her tiger tail that swishes about near her ankles is black with crimson red stripes, matching her ears that poke out of her hair. On her lower back, just above the base of her tail, there is a scar spanning three inches. It was the tattoo of her Guardian people, but she burnt it off into a flame-shaped scar when her people fell. In order to join the Wayfarers, she allowed their leaders to cut into her flesh and disfigure the scar into a marred, ugly thing.

So far good! I like your description just a quick question, or two. So she had a scar and the leaders of the Wayfarers randomly decided to make it worse? What freaking jerks. Also, does this mean she doesn't have ears on the side of her head? I always like clarifying that because it always seems strange to imagine that she can't put her hair behind her ear and that there are no ears sticking out on the sides when her hair is up.
See, this is the writing I remember ^^ This is nice and I wouldn't change it. Good job on this bit. Very happy!


When she transforms into a tiger, she is slightly larger than the average tiger, and is predominately black. Her stripes are a crimson red, and her eyes change to standard tiger eyes, slitted and greenish-yellow. Clothing-wise, Jay has a slight flair for the dramatic. She refuses corsets or armor, for they slow her down. Not to mention how absurd she looks in them... Regardless, she wears an off-black tank top made of a soft, stretching cloth and baggy pants that stop above her ankles. Beneath those, she wears skin-tight leggings of a tough material, and a midnight-black cloak over the entire ensemble. The clasp is in the shape of the Wayfarer symbol, a glinting silver metal that reminds all who she is aligned with. Her boots are a soft, worn, black leather with flat soles and high rising tops. A rather simple silver ring loops around her right middle finger.

Nice again, no comment except complement.
Hm... Agree with Hone. Not much here but solid work :)

Personality: As she grew up, Jay realized two things: If you want something done right, do it yourself, and people are untrustworthy as a general rule. She was forced to mature as a young child when her mother died, having to help her father raise Wren. The people around her never called her by her name, only Miss. They didn't look her in the eyes, and were never sincere with their words. Jay's isolation from society formed her into a hard shell of a person. Every layer of her mask represents a person that hurt her, or tried to. Strangers warrant a rude, disrespectful side of Jay. She uses sarcasm, sass, and snark as her self defense, but inside the shell is a lonely young woman.

*thinks Jay sounds like Sherlock* Well, not much wrong again. Just what are her feelings towards her father? Did she really have no friends? Is she unwilling to have friends? I get that she doesn't trust people for some reason but what's her attitude towards them? Does she feel that they're selfish, self-centered, out for personal gain, two face, what?  

When she deems someone trustworthy, she changes her entire being. Well, not entirely. She's very loyal and protective of those select few she cares about. Her sarcastic demaneor is too ingrained to change that much, but her teasing is lighter and more friendly. Wren makes her the most comfortable, and Jay is very protective and kind with her sister. She is surprisingly compassionate when prompted.

How does she deem someone trustworthy? What does compassionate when prompted mean? Do people tell her to be or do certain events do so?

She is at her happiest in the midst of battle, where she is simply a warrior with a target. It is where she excells. When she's sparring, she's always grinning. In a fray, however, a deadly calm envelops her, turning her into a well-oilled machine. It is not until afterwards that the adrenaline catches her. Jay is a merciless warrior, and her bloodlust is what fuels her to keep moving on. She takes pleasure not from harming, but from being in control. When she is fighting, she is the only one in control of her fate, and the fate of others. She was raised to kill, so kill she does.

So she's a single-minded control freak? Kidding. Also what do you mean the adrenaline catches her afterwards? Does she get tired? Does Jay feel remorse for her kills or just a sense of accomplishment?
Just explain the adrenaline and I see no problem with this. X3 Now she sounds like Jay Jay. 

History: Jay was born to the clan leader of the Toraoni, a well respected Guardian species. Her father raised her and her sister, Wren, when their mother died shortly after Wren was born. From a young age, they were brought up learning the ways of their people, their faction, and how to be warriors. As the eldest child, Jay received more lessons than her sister, since she was next in line. Her time was consumed completely between lessons and assisting in Wren's upbringing. She never had many friends because of how busy she was, and no one treated her like a normal child. Her cold, unfriendly demeanor towards strangers developed in these early years.

Why did no one treat her normally? Did they treat her bad, were afraid of her, coddled her too much? Also why would they treat her this way and how did her mother's death effect Jay personally? That must have hurt her. What were her lessons over?

When Wren transformed for the first time, Jay took their mother's place at the ceremony to celebrate her official joining of the ranks. It was a sort of coming to age ceremony, except it sometimes took years to occur, if it ever did. Wren was young when she transformed, younger than the usual, yet she was still expected to complete the tasks given to her. Worried for his daughter, their father sent Jay to watch over her. It was an incredible breakage of tradition that only Jay could know about. Early that morning, Wren was sent off with blessed words, and Jay stalked her through the dense foliage.

What is normal, and what's the normal tradition? Also, what tasks?

The trek took many hours, and Wren returned to the village well into the night. At first, nothing was amiss. Jay emerged from her hiding place at the edge of the woods. When the sisters embraced, they realized the dead quiet. Shouldn't the rest of the clan be coming by now?

To this day, the magical world is baffled by the powerful clan's sudden downfall. While the sisters were away, a group of humans passed through on their way to a neighboring kingdom. They stopped at the small village long enough to rape and pillage, then moved on. Not a soul was found alive. Jay searched for her father among the dead, cringing at the faces of those that raised her. She allowed Wren to walk beside her through the paths, no longer familiar with their bloodstained cobble. There was nothing Jay could do to shield her from the carnage before them, so she did not try. Not to her surprise, Jay found their father where the most bodies were. She assumed the human soldiers came from that side of the village, since that is where their honorable leader would place himself. She had smiled grimly to herself at that point. She was finally the clan leader, and all she had to rule was her little sister. Carefully, she took her father's weapon in one hand, took her sister's hand in the other, and set off into the woods.

I wish we could know what really happened but I understand if it's meant to be secret. How'd she react to her father's death and her sister through all of this?

It took the girls a few weeks to travel to the base of the Tribes, and it took Jay but a few moments to secure their places among them. She was the equivalent of sixteen human years old that year. It took her until the age of twenty to be accepted into the Wayfarers, and she's been quietly providing for her sister ever since.

Too quick of a closing. How did the whole joining the Tribes work and joining the Wayfarers. Also, what happened during those 4 years and what later happened to Wren? Also what is she currently doing as a Wayfarer?
I liked that a lot. I agree the ending was abrupt, but I understand that it would be a bit difficult to create a way of joining the Wayfarers, so if Ty-kun's okay with that, so am I.

Skills: Jay has always had a certain natural way with weapons. Her martial training took no time at all, and her time with the weapons master was even shorter. However, no instructor could coax her near water. Instead, they all had tough times getting her out of the treetops, or down from the rockface she was scaling. She was great with heights and climbing, but she outright refused to go near water. When forced, she broke down into a hysteric fit. There is no terror worse than bodies of water for her. Also, though her years of quick learning are over, she is still very good at picking up new tricks. Likewise, she is quick to survey and understand her surroundings. Because of this, it is hard to take her by surprise. Her weakness, though, is close quarters combat. She is physically small, and her muscles just aren't as strong as most opponents'. When in a melee, she has to rely on tricks and dexterity, not her strength.

What's wrong with water? Can she not swim? Also how skilled is she with weapons? What weapons does she use?

None of her prowess with beating people up transferred to dealing with people, sadly. For all of Jay's attention to detail, she cannot for the life of her understand a person. Unless they are clones of her, she will be clueless about them. Females, especially, puzzle her. She is also very weak to tears. No training of hers prepared her for tears, or how to stop them. She is a social nightmare, in short.

She's a cold hearted sarcastic cry baby? Okay! Is she a bad conversationalist? Is she bad at empathizing? Does she relate better with men? Also, does she just not do well with people crying? Is that what you mean? How does she react to children?
Lots of good point Hone caught. My only comment isn't even for Jay. Hone, this blue color bugs me to no end! It is a hassle to read in the little box! XD


Weapons: She spent all of her time training with her father's weapon after his death. He called it a yumiken, or a bladed bow. She was fascinated by it's fluid grace, strong slice, and utter power. It reminded her of her father in more ways that she liked. It was made of a black metal that glinted in the sun, almost the color of her father's eyes. Regardless, she trained with it any chance she got. Aside from the yumiken, she carries shurikens and throwing knives in a slot on the bottom of her quiver, two large hunting daggers at her waist, and a small knife hidden in her cleavage when she cannot be seen as a threat. Don't underestimate her, however. She was trained from such a young age that her body itself is a weapon.

So freaking powerful~ I guessed that she would be a Master of Weapons... or was it just guns? Oh well! I feel her power grows exponentially as I read this. It's nearly over 9,000 now. 9,000!!!! You need weaknesses that are equal to your strengths! She can't fight close combat but her body itself is a weapon? How does that work? What is her fighting style? Offensive, defensive, she hides in trees and shoots/throws stuff? How does all of this work with her magic too? I feel like I've read about two different characters. Somehow even though she aged rapidly she was able to become a weapons master, a martial arts master, and a master mage all while being a mother to her sister AND learning how to be a leader such as knowing diplomacy. I just feel like you need to give something up for this character to be better rounded. Her personality is good but we're nearing Sue Station in LoTFC and I really want you to jump off with me before we arrive.  
Listen to Hone in this part especially. <.< Jay is an extremely powerful character. Hell, if she had her old skills and power (Fire and archery mastery) she would need weaknesses still because that seems so impossible for someone who has only lived for a short while. You sure you didn't mix up human years with Toraoni? Or the age she looks like from her appearance?

Other: She has a huge appetite, and can't recall a food she won't eat. Except for pastries, for some mysterious reason.

That's nice. So, you're probably wondering who I am and the fact that you stuck it out this long is commendable. I'm Holly/Hone and the one who rp-ed with Zee in the early days. We were both students under some rp-ers but I was also a bit of her teacher as well. Used to dissect Bios and Intros ALL of the time. I grew sick of it and stopped teaching and rp-ing. Zee needed to reply but also wanted to dissect your Bio so I offered to help out. She was also curious about what one of my dissections would look like after all of this time. I hope I didn't offend you or hurt your feelings. If you want some more advice for specifics such as being stuck on part of the history or how to get something to be more cohesive? Just send me a message or ask me in chat if I'm online. Sorry if I seemed mean. I tried to be nicer than I was in the past. At least I didn't say it was puke that you sprinkled with fancy words as an attempt to pass it off as nice! (Did that once) I tried to fix spelling mistakes but I left grammar alone. I suppose this is bye :)
Great! Done! Cut, print! I hope I have helped... Sorry I didn't do it sooner >_< Here now! And though I like two/thirds of this bio, the one/third I didn't like are very crucial. Fix it! :D Next time I dissect one of your bios, I know what I will be focusing on XD Thanks for letting me read such a wonderful nostalgia character! Just fix the stuff I mentioned and we will be set! Unless Ty-kun already accepted your bio. Then you can just remember this for later.

And yes, I took out the quotes because the color of double quoting stinks! So.. (Jay's bio, Hone's blue writing) there's your quote.

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